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Donald Trump Definitely Needs Glasses Donald Trump Definitely Needs Glasses

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. The plan was just to keep on honking away like big idiots about the NBA playoffs for as long as we possibly could, and Drew and I were certainly ready to hold up our end of that bargain. But the stupendous lameness of the NBA playoffs at this moment and the simultaneous pyrotechnic…

Nothing Matters But Now Nothing Matters But Now

It’s a funny thing. Year after year you’re told “this is your year,” and it never is, and then, finally, when no one thinks you matter anymore ... it might be your year.

The Capitals Rained Fire On The Lightning The Capitals Rained Fire On The Lightning

It was a dream start for the Washington Capitals tonight—or for any team on the road in a Game 7. Just a minute into the deciding match-up of the Eastern Conference Finals against the Lightning, the Caps’ all-time best player dramatically announced his importance. On a cross-ice pass from Tom Wilson, Alex Ovechkin…

The Cleveland Barons' NHL Existence Was A Short And Spectacular Disaster The Cleveland Barons' NHL Existence Was A Short And Spectacular Disaster

Bob Whidden got the bad news first. On June 14, 1978, Whidden was in Montreal representing the Cleveland Barons at the NHL owners’ meetings.

Blue Jackets Prospect Who Thought He Had Serious Disease Instead Crapped Out 25-Inch Tapeworm Blue Jackets Prospect Who Thought He Had Serious Disease Instead Crapped Out 25-Inch Tapeworm

Columbus Blue Jackets prospect and former Miami (Ohio) hockey player Carson Meyer might look really tired in the above image from a June 2017 interview, but any visible gauntness might be from the fact that he had a goddamn tapeworm in his body for, according to doctors, a full year.

I'm In Awe Of This Nicklas Backstrom Pass I'm In Awe Of This Nicklas Backstrom Pass

“That was pretty much a perfect game,” Devante Smith-Pelly said after the Capitals’ convincing 3-0 win to take the Lightning to a Game 7, and, yup. The offense was relentless, the defense was suffocating, and Braden Holtby was impenetrable when tested. (Smith-Pelly had a hell of a game himself, scoring a goal and …

The Capitals Were Finally Flawless The Capitals Were Finally Flawless

It wasn’t Andrei Vasilevsky’s fault, but it’s hard to beat perfection. The Tampa Bay Lightning goaltender stopped 31 of 33 Capitals shots tonight in Washington’s 3-0 win over the Bolts in Game 6. Several of those saves were spectacular—though unsurprising for anyone who had seen Vasilevsky’s previous three…

Collateral Damage

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Dead Letters: Golden Knights Edition Dead Letters: Golden Knights Edition

Welcome back to Dead Letters, the feature in which we reprint our favorite reader mail. We should take this moment to remind you that all emails to Deadspin and its editors and writers are on the record unless otherwise specified. Now for your letters.

Holy Crap, The Golden Knights Holy Crap, The Golden Knights

“We’ll be pretty good in three years and we’ll make a run in five or six,” predicted Golden Knights owner Bill Foley back in August. “This team isn’t going to have more than a dozen regulation wins,” predicted some dummy. This was, to put it as plainly as I can—and it’s a sentiment that wouldn’t have found and won’t…

Alex Ovechkin Has Been Eating This Carb Nightmare Before Every Home Game For 13 Years Alex Ovechkin Has Been Eating This Carb Nightmare Before Every Home Game For 13 Years

Partly it’s superstition, and partly it’s because, as they say, he likes what he likes, Alex Ovechkin eats the exact same thing a few hours before every Capitals home game, and he’s been eating it since his rookie year. Athletes really are different from the rest of us.

The Lightning Power Play Is A Thing To Behold The Lightning Power Play Is A Thing To Behold

The numbers are intimidating. The Tampa Bay Lightning had the league’s third best power play during the regular season, at 23.9 percent. They have the best power play of any team left alive, at 30.8 percent. They are 6-of-14 on the power play against the Capitals. They have scored a power-play goal in nine straight…

The Lightning Scored Three Beautiful Goals And The Capitals Only Scored Two The Lightning Scored Three Beautiful Goals And The Capitals Only Scored Two

It might seem a bit tedious to go through all the goals in the Lightning’s 4-2 Game 4 win over the Capitals on Thursday night, which evened the Eastern Conference Finals at two games apiece. But bear with me—in the tensest game of the series so far, every scoring play (minus the empty netter with two seconds to go)…

An NHL Prospect Is Reportedly Ruining His Career Over A Video Game Addiction An NHL Prospect Is Reportedly Ruining His Career Over A Video Game Addiction

A recent first-round NHL draft pick might be spoiling his career prospects because of a video game addiction, according to some gossip passed along by hockey analyst Jeff Marek on the Sportsnet podcast 31 Thoughts. Marek, who declined to name the player, cited a conversation with his junior general manager, who said…

All Hail Sir Jonathan Marchessault All Hail Sir Jonathan Marchessault

According to the numbers, home ice in the NHL isn’t that big a deal, and I’m never been one to argue with hard data. However, playing in the desert does seem to mean something to the Vegas Golden Knights, who beat the Jets 4-2 Wednesday night to take a 2-1 lead in the Western Conference Finals. The Knights, who were …

Dustin Byfuglien Pulls Down Two Knights At Once

Winnipeg strongman Dustin Byfuglien won’t stop asserting his dominance against lesser men, as the Vegas Golden Knights learned once more in Game 3 of their series tonight. In a big testy scrap near the end of the second period, Byfuglien grabbed hold of both Tomas Nosek and Colin Miller—who are listed at 210 and 196…

Here's Another Hilariously Epic Vegas Pregame Show

The Vegas Golden Knights have made a habit out of spectacularly over-the-top performances to kick off playoff games, and their home opener in the Western Conference Finals might have been their best yet. The Game 3 pregame party had everything: a drumline, an archer, a swordfight, a flying dude with a Winnipeg flag,…

It Was Never Going To Be Easy For The Capitals It Was Never Going To Be Easy For The Capitals

The Washington Capitals came crashing back down to earth tonight in a 4-2 loss to the Lightning in Game 3 of the Eastern Conference Finals, shrinking the series lead of these briefly unbeatable-looking Caps down to 2-1.

The D.C. Metro Will Stay Open Late For A Capitals Game Thanks To The Generosity Of, Uh, Qatar The D.C. Metro Will Stay Open Late For A Capitals Game Thanks To The Generosity Of, Uh, Qatar

Aside from the nonstop playoff losses, I imagine the worst thing about being a Washington D.C.-area sports fan is the fact that the Metro closes at 11:30 on weeknights, often before local games—especially playoff baseball—come to an end.

My Favorite Subplot Of Winnipeg-Vegas Is People Trying To Hit Dustin Byfuglien And Getting Demolished My Favorite Subplot Of Winnipeg-Vegas Is People Trying To Hit Dustin Byfuglien And Getting Demolished

Jets defenseman Dustin Byfuglien is a big boy. Listed at 6-foot-5, 260 pounds, I would call him an immovable object if not for the fact that he’s usually moving toward you. And it’s gonna go badly for you.

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