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Is Beyoncé Giving Birth At This Very Second? Is Beyoncé Giving Birth At This Very Second?

Beyoncé is in labor or possibly/definitely already has babies right now (allegedly) according to the internet. Here are the last documented whereabouts of Beyoncé, an image in front of what appears to be a walk-in closet, posted on May 30th. Which almost certainly means that she in hiding somewhere (in the closet?)…

UPDATE: A-Rod, J.Lo, and J-Rod are Fine UPDATE: A-Rod, J.Lo, and J-Rod are Fine

A story which, as we noted yesterday, has been blowing up from the bowels of The National Enquirer: A-Rod has allegedly been sexting an ex-girlfriend behind J.Lo’s back, and TMZ reports that sext-ee Lauren Hunter is threatening to extort him for $600,000. Nothing, of course, is going to top the Anthony Weiner story;…

One of Ryan Lochte's Sperm Jeah-ed Its Way Into an Egg One of Ryan Lochte's Sperm Jeah-ed Its Way Into an Egg

Imagine a swimming Ryan Lochte repeating the word “jeah” for several hours. Now imagine one hundred million swimming Ryan Lochtes repeating the word “jeah” for several hours. That, my friends, is the best way to describe the view inside his fiancée Kayla Rae Reid’s fallopian tubes in the moments before she became…

Here Is Ryan Lochte's Cha-Cha Face

Happy Day-After-Halloween! Your present is this gif.

Ryan Lochte Was Like, 'Wanna Get Married?' And Kayla Rae Was All, 'I Guess' Ryan Lochte Was Like, 'Wanna Get Married?' And Kayla Rae Was All, 'I Guess'

Hell jeah: Olympian and serial liar Ryan Lochte is getting married and he can’t fucking wait. The friend of Billy Bush’s started dating a model named Kayla Rae Reid this spring, and quickly decided she was the one he wanted to rise and fucking shine to for the rest of his life. I’m guessing she sealed the deal after…

Ryan Lochte Is, Like, Kinda Upset His Frenemy Michael Phelps Never Called Ryan Lochte Is, Like, Kinda Upset His Frenemy Michael Phelps Never Called

Ryan Lochte is still trying to pick up the pieces of his self-shattered life after lying to the world about an armed robbery that was actually his drunk ass being a drunk ass.

Laurie Hernandez Begins Her Victory Lap on Dancing With the Stars Premiere Laurie Hernandez Begins Her Victory Lap on Dancing With the Stars Premiere

I cannot freakin’ believe that another season of Dancing With the Stars has begun, and yet I haven’t aged a day.

Something Happened to Ryan Lochte on the Dancing With the Stars Premiere [Updated]

After Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte finished his first dance on Monday evening’s season premiere of Dancing With the Stars, the broadcast cut to a splitscreen of prerecorded footage and judge Carrie Ann Inaba’s shocked expression as something went down on the ballroom floor.

The Wokest Baes of August 2016

Hello. Sorry for the delay, my fellow champions for the pretty attractive and mostly decent men of the world. I slept in. Not very woke of me, I know. Fall is close, but as the temperature begins to cool, please keep a fire in your hearts for the men of August who were not terrible!

Rick Perry, With Nothing Else to Do, Will Join Amber Rose and Vanilla Ice on Dancing With the Stars Rick Perry, With Nothing Else to Do, Will Join Amber Rose and Vanilla Ice on Dancing With the Stars

Where do you go after spending 14 years rolling back Texas abortion access and executing the mentally ill? The dance floor, baby!

Taylor Swift Ends Brief Jury Duty Stint, Can't Be 'Impartial' in Rape Case Taylor Swift Ends Brief Jury Duty Stint, Can't Be 'Impartial' in Rape Case

Ever so briefly, Taylor Swift lived like the common people do by serving jury duty today in Nashville, Tennessee. But she was quickly relieved of her civic duty. The judge determined that she could not be an “impartial” juror for the case at hand.

Shade Court: Kate Upton's Revenge, Petty Politics and a Dumb Merman Shade Court: Kate Upton's Revenge, Petty Politics and a Dumb Merman

I don’t know about you all but I’m settling back into things nicely. The gavel feels smooth in my hand and my robe still fits. Still, as was the case before my retirement, I continue to be trolled by people with delusions of cleverness.

Johnny Depp Is Maybe Using Amber Heard's Charity Donations As a Tax Break Johnny Depp Is Maybe Using Amber Heard's Charity Donations As a Tax Break

Hey, remember when Amber Heard decided she would send all of that settlement money from her ‘stache of an ex Johnny Depp to charity?

Does Anyone Really Want to See Ryan Lochte Dance With the Stars? Does Anyone Really Want to See Ryan Lochte Dance With the Stars?

“Heck jeah,” a contrite and newly brunette Ryan Lochte whispers quietly to an empty room. “I know how to make America love me again. I’m going to be on Dancing With The Stars.”

Billy Bush: Matt Lauer and I Aren't Feuding, But Ryan Lochte 'Maybe' Owes Me an Apology

Contrary to what the lamestream tabloids (all of whom are in the pocket of “Big Bush”) have been trying to make you all swallow, William Hall “Billy” Bush was NOT “bigfooted” by his Today cohost Matt Lauer for that big interview with Ryan Lochte. Even though Bush broke the (untrue) robbery story, Lochte demanded…

Speedo Is No Longer Paying For This Speedo Is No Longer Paying For This

Speedo USA announced Monday that they have decided to end their longtime sponsorship of disgraced (?) Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte after his tale of being robbed at gunpoint in Rio de Janeiro was revealed to have been an exceedingly tall one.

Here Is Your Open Thread for the Olympics Closing Ceremony Here Is Your Open Thread for the Olympics Closing Ceremony

How lovely it’s been to focus on news unrelated to the 2016 presidential election — a fine respite from that tugging urge to run howling into the sea. But alas, it’s time to say goodbye to the 2016 Summer Olympics. We offer you this space for closing ceremony conviviality, commiseration, and whatever else may be…

Courtney Love Scolds Ryan Lochte for Being Dumb Courtney Love Scolds Ryan Lochte for Being Dumb

In today’s Tweet Beat, Courtney Love expresses her displeasure, Yoko Ono is a fan of rain and Samuel L Jackson is a women’s water polo fan.

Ryan Lochte Issues a Formal Apology, Claims to Have 'Learned Some Valuable Lessons' Ryan Lochte Issues a Formal Apology, Claims to Have 'Learned Some Valuable Lessons'

Olympic swimmer and potential supervillain Ryan Lochte has finally released a formal apology for his actions in Rio de Janeiro early Sunday morning, and you’ll be surprised to know that it’s not the words “SORRY USA AND WORLD” written in crayon on a piece of light green construction paper.

Today’s Best Celebrity Gossip Is About Ryan Cabrera and Avril Lavigne. How Did That Happen?

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. This isn’t what I wanted to show you all on a Friday morning, but it’s all I have to work with. Though typically lush rainforests of celebrity news, my treasured gossip sites are deserts this morning, and the only two creatures clinging to life on their cracked earth are Ryan Cabrera and Avril…

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